GRAHASTHA ASHRAMAM - MARRIAGE LIFE

Purpose of this Human Life is to Live Happily and to attain Liberation.
There are four Kinds of Ashramam - Living Style;
1. Brahmacharyam - Student Life
2. Grahasthashramam - Marriage Life
3. Vaana Prastham - Retired Life
4. Sanyasam - Leaving Desires and Getting Divine Knowledge to attain Mukthi.
These four Ashramam is uniquely known as Varnasramam.Following the Dharma in these Varnashrama is known as Varnashrama
Dharmam.
What is a Dharmam ?
Generally, Living Happily by doing Good,Thinking Good and Talking Good Which results in Bliss to ourself and to the persons
around us is Dharmam.Doing Good ,Thinking Good and talking Good will taken as 'Punyam' which give the Blissful results in our
Life.
In Bramacharyam - the student must have thought on Guru,Sasthram and Ishwaran[God].In other things he/she should not concentrate.
I am not going to tell about other Ashram.Since Most of You are going to be a Grahasthan,that is entering into Grahasthashram - Marriage Life,I am going to Mention about Grahasthashramam,Here;
Grahastha Ashram - Marriage Life:
This is a Wonderful Living Style.
To lead this Life Style Happily , Smoothly and Successfully,We should have some essential features.The Most Important Feature is "UNDERSTANDING".
If the Understanding between the couples is So strong,then Nothing will come as a hazard in between them.
Economy,Health,wealth,Situation,Sorroundings,Environment around the couples,Understanding of other members in the Family..etc
are other important features.
The Married couple must follow/perform Five Kinds of Dharmam;They are;
1. Dheva Yagnam - Doing Poojas to Dhevadhas [God and Goddess]
2. Bootha Yagnam - Doing Rituals like Yaagam; Married Couple Must Perform the Yaagam Known as 'Agni Hothram' Daily.
3. Athithi Yagnam - Inviting Guests,respecting them and serving them.
4. Aathma Yagnam - Protecting Self,Wife,Children and Persons who are all depending on the Couple.
5. Pithru Yagnam - Worshipping Fore Fathers and Giving Thithi to them which will give good benefits to the couple.

Why should we do above Yagnam[Yaagam/Ritual] ? :
See, There are so many obstacles which brings sorrow in our Life.The Blessings of Pithru[Fore Fathers],and Dhevadhas[God/Goddess] is Most Important to Overcome that obstacles and Miseries.
Vedic Meaning Of a Marriage:
In the following sections, the steps of a Vedic wedding and their significance is Listed;

Step 1: vaak daanam

This step is a part of Kanya Varanam, where the groom-to-be (brahmachari) sends two elders on his behalf to the father of
a girl whom he wishes to marry. The elders convey the message of the brahmachari and ask for the daughter's hand. The two
mantras in the form of brahmachari's appeal to intercede on his behalf come from Rg 10.32.1 ("pra sugmantha...") and
10.85.23. The first mantra begs the elders to proceed and return quickly with success back from their mission on his behalf.
The second mantram ("anruksharaa Rjava:...") asks for the gods' blessings for the elders' safe journey to the house of the
father of the would-be-bride. The mantra prays to Aryama and Bhaga for a marriage full of harmony. The father accedes to the
request of the elders and the resulting agreement for betrothal is known as vaak daanam.

Step 2: kanyaa daanam Here, the brahmachari meets his prospective father-in-law. The latter seats him facing the eastern direction and washes
the feet of the future son-in-law, considering him as Lord Vishnu Himself. All honors are given including the ceremonial
washing of the feet of the groom by the father-in-law and offer of madhu parka (a mixture of yogurt, honey and ghee) to the
accompaniment of selected Veda mantras.

Step 3: vara prekshanam :

In this ritual, the bridegroom and the bride look at each other formally for the first time. The bridegroom worries about
any dosas (defects) that the bride might have and prays to the gods Varuna, Brihaspati, Indra and Surya to remove every
defect and to make her fit for harmonious and long marriage life blessed with progeny and happiness (mantra: Rg 10.85.44).
The bride groom recites the mantra and wipes the eyebrows of the bride with a blade of darbha grass, as if he is chasing away
all defects. The darbha grass is thrown behind the bride at the conclusion of this ceremony.

Step 4: mangala snaanam and the wearing of the wedding clothes by the bride

Five Veda mantras are recited to sanctify the bride in preparation for the subsequent stages of the marriage. This aspect
of the marriage is known as mangala snanam. The sun god (Surya), water god (Varuna), and other gods are invoked to purify the
bride in preparation for a harmonious married life. Next, the bride wears the marriage clothes to the accompaniment of
additional Veda mantras. The bridegroom then ties a darbha rope around the waist of the bride and leads her to the place,
where the sacred fire is located for conducting the rest of the marriage ceremony. The bride and the groom sit on a new mat
in front of the fire. The groom recites three mantras which invoke Soma, Gandharva and Agni to confer strength, beauty, and
youth on the bride.

Step 5: maangalya dhaaranam :

There is no Veda Mantram for tying the mangala sutram (auspicious thread) around the neck of the bride by the groom. The
latter takes the mangala sutram in his hands and recites the following verse:
mAngalyam tantunAnena mama jIvanA hethunA kaNThe: badhnami subhage! sanjIva Sarada: Satam
(meaning: This is a sacred thread. This is essential for my long life. I tie this around your neck, O maiden having many
auspicious attributes! May you live happily for a hundred years (with me).

Step 6: paani grahanam:

After maangalya dhaaranam, the groom lowers his right palm and encloses it over the right hand of the bride. He covers
all the five fingers of the right hand of the bride with his right palm through this act of paani grahanam. He recites
mantras in praise of Bhaga, Aryama, Savita, Indra, Agni, Suryan, Vayu and Saraswati, while holding the bride's hand. He prays
for long life, progeny, prosperity and harmony with the bride during their married life. The closed fingers of the right hand
of the bride is said to represent her heart. The paani grahanam ritual symbolizes the bride surrendering her heart in the
hands of the groom during the occasion of the marriage.

Step 7: sapta padi:[Most Important One]:

During this ritual, the groom walks with the bride to the right side of the sacred fire. All along, he holds his wife's
right hand in his right hand in the way in which he held her hand during the paani grahanam ceremony. He stops, bends down
and holds the right toe of his wife with his right hand and helps her take seven steps around the fire. At the beginning of
each step, he recites a Veda mantra to invoke the blessings of Maha Vishnu. Through these seven mantras, he asks Maha Vishnu
to follow in the footsteps of his wife and bless her with food, strength, piety, progeny, wealth, comfort and health. At the
conclusion of the seven steps, he addresses his wife with a moving statement from the Veds summarized below:
Dear Wife! By taking these seven steps, you have become my dearest friend. I pledge my unfailing loyalty to you. Let
us stay together for the rest of our lives. Let us not separate from each other ever. Let us be of one mind in carrying out
our responsibilities as householders (grihasthas). Let us love and cherish each other and enjoy nourishing food and good
health. Let us discharge our prescribed Vedic duties to our elders, ancestors, rishis, creatures, and gods. Let our
aspirations be united. I will be the Saaman and may you be the Rk (Saaman here refers to the music and Rk refers to the Vedic
text that is being cast into music). Let me be the upper world and let you be the Bhumi or Mother Earth. I will be the Sukla
or life force and may you be the bearer of that Sukla. Let me be the mind and let you be the speech. May you follow me to
conceive children and gain worldly as well as spiritual wealth. May all auspiciousness come your way.
This series of Veda mantras starting with "sakhaa saptapadhaa bhava ..." and ending with "pumse putraaya ..." are rich
with meaning and imagery.

Step 8: pradhaana homam: After sapta padi, the couple take their seat on the western side of the sacred fire and conduct pradhaana homam. During
the conductance of this homam, the bride must place her right hand on her husband's body so that she gets the full benefit of
the homam through symbolic participation. Sixteen mantras are recited to the accompaniment of pouring a spoon of clarified
butter into the sacred fire at the end of recitation of each of the mantras. These mantras salute Soma, Gandharva, Agni,
Indra, Vayu, the Aswini Devas, Savita, Brihaspati, Viswa Devas and Varuna for blessing the marriage and beseeches them to
confer long wedded life, health, wealth, children and freedom from all kinds of worries. One prayer -- the sixth mantra --
has a sense of humor and provides deep insight into human psychology. The text of this mantra is: "daSaasyam putraan dehi,
patim ekaadaSam kRti". Here, the groom asks Indra to bless the couple with ten children and requests that he be blessed to
become the eleventh child of his bride in his old age.

Step 9: stepping on the grinding stone :

After pradhaana homam, the husband holds the right toe of his wife and lifts her leg and places it on a flat granite
grinding stone known as "ammi" in Tamil. The ammi stands at the right side of the sacred fire. The husband recites a Veda
mantra when he places the right foot of his wife on the ammi:
May you stand on this firm stone. May you be rock-firm during your stay on this grinding stone. May you stand up to
those who oppose you while you carry out your time-honored responsibilities as a wife sanctioned by the Vedas and tradition.
May you develop tolerance to your enemies and put up a fair fight to defend your legitimate rights as the head of the
household in a firm manner, equal to the steady strength of this grinding stone.
Step 10: laaja homam :

After ammi stepping, a ceremony of doing homam with parched rice is conducted. Here, the wife cups her hands and the
brothers of the bride fill the cupped hands with parched rice. The husband adds a drop of ghee to the parched rice and
recites five Veda mantras. At the end of each of the recitation , the parched rice is thrown into the sacred fire as havis
(offering) to Agni. Through these mantras, the wife prays for long life for her husband and for a marriage filled with peace
and harmony. At the end of the laaja homam, the husband unties the darbha belt around the waist of his wife with another
mantra. The husband states through this mantra that he unites his wife and ties her now with the bonds of Varuna and invites
her to be a full partner in his life to enjoy the blessings of wedded life.

Step 11: griha pravesam:

This ceremony relates to the journey of the wife to her husband's home. The husband carries the sacred fire (homa agni)
in a earthern vessel during this journey home. There are many Veda mantras associated with this journey. These mantras pray
to the appropriate Vedic gods to remove all obstacles that one can experience in a journey. The bride is requested to become
the mistress of the house and is reminded of her important role among the relatives of her husband. After reaching her new
home, she puts her right foot first in the house and recites the following Veda mantra:
I enter this house with a happy heart. May I give birth to children, who observe the path of righteousness (dharma)!
May this house that I enter today be prosperous forever and never be deficient in food. May this house be populated by people
of virtue and pious thoughts.

Step 12: praavisya homam:

After griha pravesam, a fire ritual known as praavisya homam is performed by the couple to the accompaniment of thirteen
Veda mantras from the Rg Veda. Jayaadi homam is also part of the praavisya homam. This homam offers the salutation of the
newly married couple to Agni Deva and asks for strength and nourishment to discharge the duties of a grihasthas for the next
one hundred years. After that, the bride shifts her position from the right side of her husband to his left side. At that
time, once again, she recites a Veda mantra invoking the gods for blessings of children and wealth to perform the duties of a
householder.
At the end of the above homam, a child is placed on the lap of the bride and she offers a fruit to the child, while
reciting a prescribed Veda mantra. Yet another mantram asks the assembled guests to bless the bride and then retire to their
own individual homes peacefully. During the first evening of the stay in her new home, the couple see the stars known as
Dhruva (pole star) and Arundhati. The husband points out the pole star and prays for the strength and stability of the
household thru a Veda mantra. Next, the husband points out the Arundhati star to his wife and describes to her the the story
of Arundhati and her legendary chastity.
The rich and meaningful ceremony of the Hindu marriage (Kalyana Mahotsavam of the temples) is thus carried out in concert
with sacred Veda Mantras. The bride and bridegroom should enunciate clearly the Veda mantras and reflect on their meanings
during the different stages of the marriage ceremony. This way, they can be sure of a long, happy and prosperous married life and play their appropriate role in society to the fullest extent. Srinivasa Kalyanam/Shree Meenakshi Kalyanam is performed in the temples to remind us of these hoary Vedic traditions behind a marriage.

To have Good Children:
The Following themes are those, which I studied from Some Astrological Books written by Astrologists.
Astrology is the Science of Space,Planets,Planetory motion,How the Planetory motion took vital part in human life.I wrote here by thinking about Your Goodness in my Mind;
The Couples Should Pray to God to have Good Children.To have Good Souls as their Children,they Should have Good Thoughts,should do Good Actions,and should speak Good Words.When both the Husband and Wife are Good in their Thoughts,Words
and Actions,the atom and Cells in their body will also be in Good and Healthy Condition.
Before performing Copulation,the couples should chant 'Sudharsana Manthra' or the Manthra of their Ishta Dheivam for 108 times.So that the Divine Vibration will exist in their body and will be helpful in forming the Good Body for Good Soul.
There are Some restrictions in having Copulation;
To have Good and Healthy child , the couple should not have copulation on following Days;
1. New Moon Day [Amavasai] :

If the couples have copulation on this day,the [Karu] child that form on that day will not perform Pithru Pooja in Future.
2. Pradhamai thithi - The Day next to New Moon day and Pournami. If the Couples have copulation on this day,the Child will be always filled with Sorrow and will not have Good Mental
Health.
3. Ekadhasi thithi - Eleventh day to New Moon Day [Amavasai] and Full Moon Day[ Pournami]. If the Couple have copulation on this day,the child that form on that day will not have devotion on God, and will become 'Naathigan'.
4. Ashtami Thithi - Eighth day to New Moon Day [Amavasai] and Full Moon Day[ Pournami]. If the Couple have Copulation on this day,the child that Form on that day will be a Handicapped Person.
5. Navami thithi - Nineth day to New Moon Day [Amavasai] and Full Moon Day[ Pournami]. If the couple have copulation on this day,the child form on that day will roam all over the towns.[oor suthum pillai]

And, Another thing is , the couple should perform copulation in a Neat Place.Because Neatness is the Grace of Divine Mother MahaLakshmi [Lakshmi Kataksham].That is why the 'Santhi Muhurtham' Room is Kept Neat,and it must be filled with Mangala objects like Flowers,Turmeric,and Ghee Lamp.And Mind Must be filled with Good thoughts before having Copulation.With Good thoughts,happiness and Peace Filled Mind the couple should perform copulation.
The above said are the Features that should take in to account before having copulation to have a good child.
Another thing I want to Remind You. The couples should not perform copulation Subsequently for all days.It is not Good for Health.Because if it is done without gap, it will affect Nervous system,Bones,Marrows,Work and will result in
Impatience,Anger,Irritational Mind,Loss of Concentration,relationship,disatisfaction,both Physical and Mental Health.

During Pregnancy, the Mother should be have healthy Food, Helathy thoughts and should always be in Good Happy Mood.If possible Reading Good Spiritual books will grow good thoughts in Child which is inside her womb.Doing Meditation,Worship,Hearing Puranas and Chanting Manthras of God are all pay the way for installing Good thoughts in Child's Mind which is inside Mother's Womb.

To Grow a Child is an Art:
The Parents should have equal responsibilities in the care of a growing Child.It is an art.They should be very careful in the
Mental Health and Physical Health of the Child.The Parents should not fight in front of the Child.The Parent should act as a
Role model to the Child.The Child used to talk,act and used to speak by seeing what the Parent do !.
The Parent should give Moral,economical and Kindful support to their children.
Finally , the Couple should follow a Dharmic,Devotional and Good understanding Life which will Make Life More Happy andPeaceful, which will make their sorroundings in a happy,healthy and Peaceful condition.
Good Persons will Make Good Family;
Good Families will Make Good City;
Good Cities will make Good State;
Good states will make Good Country;
Good Countries will make Good World;
If Everything is Good, Every thing will be Fine;
No Sadness - Bliss only will Remain.
**Loga Samastha Sukino Bhavanthu **

Note : The Above said concepts are those which are consolidated where I heard from My Guru,Read from astrological Books,and some themes are searched through browser.

The Main Attitude of this Article is that to Make You Know about Some awareness regarding the Meaning and Purpose of Marriage Life[Grahastha Ashram].

In a Single Line I could say that - Purpose of Marriage Life is to attain Worldly Goodness,Happiness through out the Life and it's Ultimate Goal is to attain Mukthi or Liberation from Death - Birth Cycle

"Kadavul Amaithu vaitha Medai ,

inaikum Kalyana Maalai,

innarku innar Enru ,

Eluthi Vaithane Dhevan Anru...."

******************* OM NAMA SHIVAYA ************